she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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