so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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