hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
