YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
