Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
