I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
