it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
try to milk me bitch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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