Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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