words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
