Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
