We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
