so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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