did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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