Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
