singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
