I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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