i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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