make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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