i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
