She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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