See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
