I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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