I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
