they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
