just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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