woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
