You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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