i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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