1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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