OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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