I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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