i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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