I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
