we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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