Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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