I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
