i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
