I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
