Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
