i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
