think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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