textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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