Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
