just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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