suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
