ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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