Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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