Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
