I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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