What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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