you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
