she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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