If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
