I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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