A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
