in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need moral support for this bender
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
