Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
