found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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