yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I deserve this hangover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
