i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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