She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
