His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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