she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
