Sry I called you an 8
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
