Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
