the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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