dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
