I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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