Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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