Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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