The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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