1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
