Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
