Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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