Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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