you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
